I belong to a generation of Britons who understand that DangerMouse is a cartoon character, a DJ, and also a way of flogging faux-faded casual wear in Topman. Of course, there exists a generation who know DangerMouse simply as a DJ and a way of flogging faux-faded casual wear in Topman. And then, sadly, there exist a new, younger generation who only know DangerMouse as a way of flogging faux-faded casual wear in Topman. I call this new generation: The Least DangerMouse Generation.

Have you done your bit for the Help For Heroes campaign?

I have. I got Aquaman a job on the buses. If you're wondering where the 313 from Skelmersdale is, don't worry. It broke down in Orrell, but a team of dolphins will be pulling it down the bypass any minute now.

Is studying the works of Euclid. Chiefly, his Eukelele.

New vid up: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6fKiVHU2UQ

Ps, I didn't cry.

I can't help feeling that 9/11 would have been very different had New Yorkers not killed King Kong beforehand.

It's a well known fact that the word 'diagonal' comes from the discoverer of such eccentric lines, the famed Greek mathematician Diagon. Less well known, of course, is that Diagon's given name was actually Lysis. Lysis, a Cretan native who lived during the 8th century BCE, only became known as Diagon when, upon his death, he was found to have expired due to an unfortunate combination of diarrhoea and gonorrhea.

Many many years ago, I was bitten by a rare radioactive woodlouse. Pretty soon I found I had a strange new ability. Upon the uttering of a single, secret, magic word, I could transform from mere mortal man. I became a sturdy, calming, outdoor structure, ideal for fighting crime and also relaxing in the shade on a Sunday afternoon. I became, my friends ... The Human Porch.

My friend Helen is so gay, she eats out more than Michael Winner.

This peach is from the ever lovely Mrs Gary, upon her brain smarts being compared to those of Professor Stephen Hawking:

"Yeah, but all he's good for is typing. He can't even stand up."

Lame Exotic Bird Based Pun, Ahoy!

I once put a parrot in parenthesis. And a comma too.